13 Feb Standing On The White Line
Everything is always OK.
There are no double standards, no hidden agendas, no white lies, no broken trust issues, no questionable motives and no bad people.
The innocence of childhood.
As a child, growing up in London, in the lower two floors of rented accommodation with no access to a bathroom or inside toilet, life was as good as it could be. I had no expectations of anything “better”. Life, as far as I knew it, was secure and my parents had a loving, committed relationship – although quite volatile at times.
This was all I knew. It was normal.
Most of my friends lived under similar circumstances – some from broken homes, although this was never spoken about. However, there must have been a deep seated insecurity in my life. I often had disturbed nights. I was a compliant child and always tried to eat my brussel sprouts! But this was more out of fear than willing obedience. My father’s tolerance threshold was quite low. I found it hard to relate to other children at school. Yes, I was the “leader of the Flashman Gang”, but these were all kids like me with a similar home life and background. We understood each other. We looked after each other on the streets.
I suppose I have always been a loner. I think people I have been close to have found it difficult to get inside my head. To really understand how I tick.
“Steve, describe how you are feeling – red, white, black, blue or purple?”
Answer: “Haven’t got a clue”
Now this could be a bloke thing, or it could be that I am a product of my childhood. This is not an excuse because we all need to take personal responsibility for our lives and stop endlessly blaming our parents, upbringing and environment for the life decisions we make.
However, my default mode is to withdraw when it comes to conflict with people I am close to.
And so it was that when I discovered that both my mother and father had been married before, I didn’t want to know the details. Not that I was ever told. To this day, there are many missing pieces to the puzzle called, “The Flashman Family.”
In my 20’s, I wrote a storming rock ‘n roll song called “Standing On The White Line!” Memories of my childhood prompted the initial inspiration for the song. Standing on the white line in the middle of a busy South Circular road could easily have been a ‘dare’ too far for me and the gang!
OK. So it’s been a bit of a ramble. Mixed feelings? Unresolved issues? Incomplete picture? Yes probably all of those. But life is never black and white, and the road I was about to take in life would never be clear cut, highly organised or strategically planned.
PS: “Standing On The White Line” is from Steve’s third album, Signwriter recorded at Chapel Lane Studios and featuring Mark Williamson, Chris Eaton and Larry Norman – available as a digital download from this website.